Monday, August 8, 2011

The GAYEST Movie Poster Ever

The Three Musketeers are supposed to be suave, manly, and extra tough, right?!

Then why does the guy with the eye patch look like the only character on this poster who could maintain an erection in front of a naked woman? And I'm not talking about the tranny on the far left who CLEARLY has an Adam's apple; I mean a real woman with a real vagina.

We'll start with the bad guys...who both look like pedophiles. The Duke of Buckingham is just trying too hard to be "hip" with that ridiculous earring. Oh, and he only pierced the left ear? Sorry, but that's not fooling anyone. Even if this was the 90's, that pearl would be a dead giveaway. Worse than that is Cardinal Richelieu who looks like he's keeping a stash of comic books, baseball cards and lollipops in the glove box of his "windowless carriage" if you catch my drift.

As far as the heroes are concerned...I guess the fearless leader Aramis is supposed to be crouching in an action pose, but it really looks like he's fearlessly pointing in the direction of the nearest glory hole, most likely in the bathroom at the leather daddy bar where Porthos would assuredly be trolling for tail. Athos--the one who's supposed to be a ladies man--looks like he'd be more comfortable designing women's skirts than chasing them. He'd also probably have his own show on Bravo.

And don't even get me started on all the ways in which D'Artagnan exemplifies "gay face."

***ADDENDUM*** Mon, Aug 8, 1:59 PM:
I was right!! 

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