Monday, February 2, 2009

Super Bowl Trailer Round-up

All right. I have to make this quick so I can get back to my feud with Dan. I don't want to forget my other interests while engaging in this epic battle for the blogosphere. Besides, if I'm able to maintain a strong offensive against this identity thief whilst continuing to post my usual quips on the state of the world, I will clearly be the better (and, certainly more original) blogger.

I'm not a fan of the Cardinals or the Steelers. And since it's my personal belief that the only badass way to enjoy a sporting event is to be there, in the flesh, screaming your lungs out, I didn't watch the Super Bowl. That's why God made that I could see all the awesome commercials the next day.

Here's a quick round-up of my thoughts on the Super Bowl movie trailers...

Land of the Lost
Everyone knows my favorite movie of all-time is Jurassic Park. What you may not know, is that one of my least favorite movies is The Lost World: Jurassic Park. Why? Because I hate that they took the velociraptors (one of the most badass cinematic creations of all time) and turned them into pussies. The raptors can be defeated by Jeff Goldblum's twelve year gymnast daughter?!?! Gimme a break!

Making dinosaurs stupid and easily defeatable is one of my biggest pet peeves in movies. If the T-Rex doesn't bite Will Ferrell's head off, I'm walking out of the theater.

Angels & Demons
In the trailer for the prequel to The Da Vinci Code, I am most impressed by how much younger Tom Hanks looks in this movie compared to how he looked in Ron Howard's last blasphemous exercise in butt-numbing boredom.

Hmm...I guess a decent haircut actually goes a long way.

Monsters vs. Aliens
A butt joke, a poop joke, and a parody of a Ryan Seacrest catchphrase...all contained in the same 90 second trailer. Awesome job, Dreamworks! After Kung Fu Panda I actually had hope that you'd start making less juvenile animated films that rely on pop culture references to get half-hearted laughs. I'm glad to see the bar is being lowered beyond anything Shrek the Third could've ever accomplished.

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra
The Eiffel Tower is disintegrated. Some guys run around and jump away from various modes of transportation in various states of explosion. I've watched the trailer three times trying to figure out what the story is. I guess, based solely on the title, this is an origins story for the creation of the band of miscreants who follow Cobra Commander?? Your guess is as good mine.

Star Trek
Remember that history making episode of Star Trek in which Capt Kirk kissed Lt. Uhura...the first time interracial sensuality had ever been aired on television? Well, according to J.J. Abrams there was a lot more than just kissing going on behind closed doors on the Enterprise. I wonder what the censors in the 60's would've thought of that...

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Oops...I guess I posted the wrong picture. Here's the big scary villain in the new Transformers movie:Yawn.

To watch these trailers (and a few more) you can go here.


danast said...

T-Rex's snapping that dude in half like a wish-bone... JP2 wasn't all bad, yo.

John Sherrod said...

In that picture Kirk's not in bed with Uhura, he's in bed with a green Orion girl. The trailer doesn't make that very clear.

ChillwithWill said...

I stand corrected. TThe Uhura thing was pretty much the only "flaw" I could find in the spot. Otherwise, that movie looks like it could be pretty cool.

John Sherrod said...

Yeah, I'm a huge Trekkie, so I'm both excited and nervous. Can't wait for May 8!